Friday, March 29, 2013

Mother in Law

Back in 1966, when the doctor said “It’s a boy,” all I could think of was “Oh my God, I’m going to be a Mother in Law.” Why didn’t I ever picture myself as a Mother in Law?

My mother’s definition of a Mother in Law was someone who kept her mouth shut and her purse opened. I vowed to try to keep quiet—not so easy. My kids tell me I’m opinionated and getting worse. If they don’t want my opinion, why do they keep asking for it, at all hours of the day and night? I try not to be too harsh, but I’m not so good at it.

Today is the day I awakened with a new question: Am I still a Mother in Law? I keep laughing at the skim milk/whole milk description of marriage. Clever it may be, but it isn’t really funny. 

When I had suspicions that my daughter might be gay, I asked a good friend, one who had lived with me through the ups and downs of a middle child who is still trying to figure out how to handle her intellect, coupled with other assorted issues, her answer was simple: “So what if she is?” Would that the only question we all asked about the gay community were “So what?”

People who have gay relatives, friends, co-workers know the answer to the question. We laugh with Ellen and ask“so what?” We even marvel at her beauty as she appears in advertisements for cosmetics. What a stereotype buster. Spend some time with a bunch of Lesbians. It’s fun, sort of like a sorority house—with no men to add tension to the mix. 

My children were married during the short time before California was so viciously attacked by the proponents of Proposition 8. The wording on the ballot was confusing. A vote in the affirmative was a vote against gay marriage (Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.) They had a beautiful, formal wedding, attended by family and friends, and have been living as a married couple since 2006. 

Now they wonder, will they be “unmarried?” What a funny word. Doesn’t unmarried mean divorced? Why would they get divorced? They love each other, love living together, and have a life together. They don’t want to be unmarried and I like being a Mother in Law.

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